Pathetic

It happens every year. Usually more than once. Ok, more than twice. OK, A LOT! ARE YOU SATISFIED?!?! I uh um….over indulge. NO, not alcohol. That’s what you were thinking though isn’t it? Maybe 5 years ago that might have happened once (or more) a year. But the over indulgence I am talking about is food.

I am typically a good girl. I avoid trans fats like the plague. I haven’t touched a french fry in………I don’t know when. I don’t drink pop, I never eat white bread or pasta, I don’t eat doughnuts, I don’t use a lot of butter or salt. Basically, everything YUMMY and comforting, I try not to eat. Now, before you criticize me for doing this, before you break out the t-shirt that says “eat right, exercise, die anyway”, let me explain the reason for this ridiculously boring diet of mine. One word: Longevity. What better way to annoy your children than to live a long, long, VERY long time? ‘nough said.

Now, back to the point of this blog. What was the point again? Oh yeah, gluttony. I had an impeccable diet in the weeks preceding Thanksgiving. I had “saved” myself for this day of dietary disasters. I knew I would cheat, oh yeah, and I was looking forward to it. What I wasn’t looking forward to was the incredible agony I would be in, come 7pm when my stomach, stretched WAY beyond capacity, would be gurgling, turning, spasming, and getting ready to expel it’s contents in a violent and projectile way. I was in bed by 8 pm, being awake was far too unpleasant.

I will NOT do this again. I am so ashamed.

p.s. while googling the word spasming, cuz I can’t spell, I came across “spasming colon”. YIKES! Please God don’t punish me with this…ever.