I didn't sleep well last night. I couldn't stop thinking of the tragedy that has befallen the quaint town of Newtown CT. It was supposed to be a safe town, one that has only had 1 homicide in the past 10 years. This really opens one's eyes to the fact that it truly is safe nowhere. We let our guard down, thinking something like this could never happen to us or our community, but we just never know. And that is the scariest thing. Like was said in one article, "Not even kindergartners learning their ABCs are safe." It's horrifying.
I am someone who would be devastated to accidentally hit a squirrel with my car on a road, so I cannot even fathom what state of mind this boy was in to be able to carry out such a heinous and despicable act. Practically a kid himself, he coldly and maliciously cut the lives of so many innocent children short. It was said he struggled with mental illness. Well, you'd almost certainly have to have some wires crossed to do something like shoot kindergartners. That, and be 100% pure evil. I'm sorry, mental illness is no excuse. He still knew right from wrong.
Last night, as I lay in my bed trying to fall asleep, all I could think about was how devastated those families are. How they woke up this morning and got their children ready for school like any other day, for the last time. They will never do it again. They will never kiss them goodnight, help them with their homework, watch them grow.....it breaks my heart. It breaks everyone's heart. To lose a child is unimaginable.
So I prayed. And I prayed. And I prayed. And as I prayed I thought, what can we do? I mean, we can all pray for the families, but it won't ease their sorrow. Nothing can. Nothing short of God bringing these innocent people back to life can. Why does this happen? Life is so unfair! It makes me question so much. One thing in particular is gun control.
This is a heated topic. So many people believe that it's their right to own a gun to protect themselves. But I believe that it's probably more common that these guns kill more innocent people in accidents and horrific acts like yesterday, than they do protecting people from intruders. I also believe that if we had really strict guns laws which made it near impossible for the average person to own a gun, things like this would probably happen anyway. When evil people want to hurt others, they will always find a way.
Obviously this boy wanted to die. But why.....why, why, WHY did he have to take 27 other lives first?? Why children? 5 through 10 year olds.....why? That question is on everyone's mind today. And even if we did have an answer to that, it wouldn't make it any better. Our hearts would still break for those affected. There are still 20 young children who will never experience college, marriage, children, grandchildren, etc. And 7 adults, who won't be going home to their families. Their loved ones left with the void of someone dear to them, forever gone. They just didn't deserve to die. It's so incredibly sad.
And then there are the kids that survived. They are lucky to be alive but they are forever scarred with the horror of what happened. It couldn't have been an easy thing to witness as a child. God help them heal.
When my kids got home from school yesterday, I hugged them for a really long time. Eden said, "Are you OK, mom?" And I thought, as I hugged her, feeling her breathe, smelling her hair, feeling her warmth, how lucky I am that I can still hold them. Still snuggle them. Hear them laugh. It's a blessing. A gift for which I which I will never take for granted again. You just never know how long you have with the people you love. And no matter how long, it's never enough.
My deepest sympathy to the families affected by this tragedy. Heartfelt thoughts and prayers to everyone involved. May you find the strength to get through these difficult times ahead.