the game

Let’s play a little game. I’ll call this game “Can I get through the day without going insane”.

Here are the rules: You wake up from a night which may or may not have produced ample REM time, wake up your children to get them ready for school and listen to them argue and fight over EVERY LITTLE THING. Now, to win the game, you need to keep your cool, be patient, not yell or say anything which could scar them for life, lock them in the closet or put a sign that says “dumb ass” on their backs. Then you need to smile and wave lovingly at them as they walk to the bus as if they were perfect little God-sent angels who make every moment of your day filled to the brim with warm squishy lovey-dovey feelings. And when they get home from school in the afternoon, after devouring a week’s worth of food so as not to be hungry at dinnertime, fight AGAIN about nothing in particular or maybe about who’s crack produces the foulest odors, and do nothing but beg to either play computer games, XBOX games or stare like zombies at the TV, you must remain a composed and affectionate parent towards the little turd sniffers despite it all.

Shit, I lost when I read “scar them for life” in the rules. Here’s hoping you have better luck.