Monday, February 8, 2010

Monsters and babies, the things that nightmares are made of

I had a nightmare last night! I was walking around the mall, I looked down and suddenly realized I was pregnant! My stomach wasn't full blown, nine months pregnant, but there was a significant bulge. Way different than a post carb inhaling bulge. I could feel a baby wriggling around inside me. I could see the imprint of a foot through my skin.

I suddenly felt very VERY sad and scared. I was crying to my mother that I didn't want another child. I felt overwhelmed by the three I already had and wasn't sure how I could cope with another small person to depend on me for everything.

I thought of how it was slowly becoming easier to do things now that Emma was getting older. I don't have to worry about diapers and bottles. She can walk and carry things by herself, feed herself, keep herself entertained. The thought of losing that freedom was devastating to me, in my dream.

If I was ever unsure before on whether or not I would eventually want another baby, I think this was the deal sealer. The answer is a big fat NO.

While most women probably dream of cute cuddly babies to huff, I'm crying and screaming and trying to run away from the mere thought! How backwards am I??

I love babies, don't get me wrong. I ooh and ahh over them when I spot one on a rare day that Andreas lets me out of the house ;) But having one of your own and raising it is work. Work that I'm obviously to lazy for right now.

Phew, next time maybe I'll dream about vampires or serial killers and get some sleep!

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