Better days

It's nice to know other people that suffer from panic attacks. Not that I'd wish them on ANYONE, just that it's nice to know someone understands what you are going through. Thanks for the comment and thoughtful words, Carin.

Today was the first day since Tuesday night that I felt like myself. That's 5 days. It took that long to recover from my last attack. I was finally able to eat without feeling like I was choking. I was able to swallow fine. I could produce my own saliva without needing to chew gum (my jaw is so sore from all the chewing and clenching). I'm still pretty tired and I fear slipping into a panic again, but I'm trying to put it out of my mind the second it creeps in.

I still am afraid to go to sleep. Even walking into my bedroom, knowing it's time for bed, makes me nervous. I hope and pray that I can sleep through the night. I need to be refreshed by Tuesday - when reality hits us again. Girls will be back in school and Andreas will be back at work so it will just be me and Lizzy at the house. It will seem so empty and lonely.

Tomorrow I am taking down the Christmas decorations. It's usually sad to see it all come down, but this time I'm ready to put it all away. Mainly because it will give me something to do. Keeping busy is good for me these days.

We've been playing a lot more games with the kids this past week. It's so much fun spending time together as a family instead of all off doing our own thing. Today/tonight we played Apples to Apples, Clue, Taboo and Pictionary. It's neat watching Emma draw. She's only 5 but she does really well.

We held one chopped competition so far this week. Andreas and I would have had one too if I hadn't had a week long anxiety attack. Anyway, Andreas and I chose the ingredients and Hanna and Eden faced off against one another. They did an entree round and a dessert round. I took pictures that I'll have to post another day. It was so fun watching them in the kitchen. Eden ended up winning overall. She wants to be a chef someday. She loves cooking. In fact, I've gotten my breakfast served to me 3 days in a row now! Too bad she has to go back to school soon, I could have gotten used to breakfast in bed!

Been kind of a slow week here otherwise. And that's ok! It's Christmas break, we had planned on relaxing anyway. I just wish I could have enjoyed it more. The week ahead will be a better one. I'm optimistic.