So I stopped over at my mom's yesterday to pick up a couple things. One being a photograph of my dad and I. A specific one. And we had to search EVERY single photo album twice before we found it. But it was sort of fun, looking back on all those memories. And as far as I am concerned, I have just two words to describe half of the photos of me that we came across:
BIG FAT DORK!
Ok, maybe three words. But seriously, I don't think I realized the severity of my dorkishness from back in the day. If my mother ever wanted to blackmail me or just embarrass me so bad as to make me move to the Bermuda triangle and never be heard from again, she's sitting on a gold mine.
I am NOT photogenic in any way shape or form and nearly every single photo of me over the age of 5 is hideous. Not even kidding.
Fast forward through the dork days of school to after I had my first child and while I probably remained a level 10 dork, I added pudge. Lots of it. And the sad thing is, I was so used to being skinny that I didn't even realize it when I was getting plump. My dad was aware of it though and was the only one brave enough to comment about it. He always said what was on his mind. Sometimes it wasn't always very tactful. And telling a woman that they are getting pudgy really isn't smart. We are self conscious about our bodies enough as it is. Instead of accepting it and using it to start some better habits, I chose to let it offend and hurt me. He was only telling me the truth as he saw it. Looking back at those pictures, I see what he saw. What I was unable to see at the time.
Anyway, so after every picture I saw of myself going through these photo albums today I would gasp and moan and say things like "LOOK at how FAT I was!". To which my mother would yell, "CHARLOTTE! KNOCK IT OFF!". Until finally I shoved a picture in her face and said, "LOOK!". There was a long moment of silence and then she said, "What? Do you mean your round face or your double chin?".
Um, yeah. Told you so.
"Oh, yeah, you were getting a little chubby, weren't you." haha.....
It was all that nasty fast food and drinking. I had no idea how to take care of my body. I was NOT the picture of health. And if I had continued on that path, I shudder to think what I might look and feel like today.
Anyway, I don't want to get all preachy about fat/thin/weight/fitness/blah/blah/blah....I'll save that for my other blog ;)
So yeah, I now have my treasured picture, the one of my very last piano recital when my dad got up to give me a rose and a hug that produced wet snotty bawling like you've never seen before. I am going to put it in a little picture frame on my piano. Because whenever I sit down to play, I play for him. Love you dad. Miss you every day.