Wednesday, October 27, 2010

Hanna is 13!

I was only 6 months pregnant when I had problems that required me to be flown in a helicopter to the hospital in an attempt to save my unborn baby's life. Had I not been with my sister, who knew to take me in, I don't know that I would have my Hanna today.

I was given drugs which made my heart feel like it would pound it's way out of my chest, made me sick, made me sweaty...pretty much made me feel more horrible than I'd ever felt. My IV sites were painful. My belly was irritated from wearing a fetal monitor 24/7. I had to wear these horribly uncomfortable things on my legs that would inflate and squeeze my legs because I wasn't allowed out of bed. I had to [try] to poop in a bedpan. Does anyone know how embarrassing that is????? Nurses had to give me suppositories. Awful. And there was nothing I could do but lay there, miserable, scared, sad, bored, and helpless for what was supposed to go on for [hopefully] another 3 months. All this, to keep my first baby inside my womb.

When the magnesium sulfate was too much for me they would lower the dosage. If my uterus started misbehaving, they'd crank it up again. Eventually I would get rid of it altogether but then I'd start contracting so I'd need to have it again. This went on for 11 days when finally, my water broke. An hour later, my 1 1/2 pound baby was born. Her eyes weren't open yet, her skin was translucent, she couldn't breathe on her own. It was pretty much a mother's biggest nightmare. I didn't know if she would live or die. And if she did live, it seemed like there were a million problems she would most likely encounter. Abnormalities, disabilities, neurological problems...the list is long.

I used to get so irritated when I would be in a conversation about childbirth or pregnancy and someone would say to me, "Oh, well it doesn't really count for you because you didn't have a labor and she was only a pound and a half. It couldn't have been that bad!" Imagine the self control I possess not to have knocked these people into next week? Really? Couldn't have been that bad?? I think I would have rather had a 12 pound baby with no pain meds and a 48 hour labor than what I had to go through. I can't stand woman who brag about how big their babies were, as if they had anything to do with it, really.

Back then, I didn't know if 13 years into the future I would be lucky enough to have this wonderful girl to love. I don't know what I did to deserve it but I was given a miracle. She was barely 12 inches long. Now she is healthy, smart, funny and beautiful. Happy birthday to my first born, my miracle, my sweet Hanna!!

1 comment:

Carin said...

Happy Birthday Hanna! I understand your frustrations with those people. You were my friend who understood the fear I had with my firstborn. Not coming to early but still spending all that time in the NICU. You understood my not wanting to leave but yet wanting to run away. You understood my not wanting to leave him after we finally got home. You understood the fear, anxiety, frustrations and everything else that comes with life with that not so perfect outcome from a pregnancy. I loved you for it then and I love you for it now. We have perfect kids and have a bond not many can relate to!
Love you!