Wednesday, April 13, 2011


It was nice out yesterday. The girls were out playing on the driveway and I left the door to the garage open so I could listen to the sweet sounds of children laughing and having fun. Lizzy was chained up outside too. But unfortunately, she could stay outside because she starts barking at EVERYTHING.

This makes me sort of chuckle to myself because in one of  Andreas' attempts to convince me why a gigantic dog is better than a smaller dog, he said, "They don't bark all the time like those little yappers do. They have their size for intimidation, they don't need to bark." Wrong! Unless we just got a defective one.

So anyway, she was barking at people, dogs, wind, whatever it was and I brought her inside and continued roaming aimlessly about the house. Pretty soon I hear Hanna yell, "The garage door is open!"

And I'm like, "yeah, so?"

"She's going out! Lizzy is going outside!"

And then it hit me, the door to the garage was open and I forgot to close it when I let the beast in! OH SHIT! (sorry for the language, but in this situation, it was necessary)

Ok, there are a million and a half reasons why this is not good. Not good at all. Here's a small sample of them:

1) Eden's friend Kendal is outside playing with them and Kendal is just a tad afraid of Lizzy. She might not be except for the fact that we have to practically lay on Lizzy every time she is at our house to keep Lizzy from attacking her (with love of course). Whatever the reason, Lizzy gets incredibly excited to see Kendal. And Kendal is a little girl, Lizzy could easily plow her over, especially at the speed she must have been traveling once she realized she was free at last.

2) Not only was Kendal in danger of being tackled by the beast, but any child, adult, dog, what-have-you in the neighborhood was at risk. Dear Lord, save them!!

3) The running in a zig-zag haphazard pattern of a happily freed dog could prove devastating in the event that her path includes the road. Although, unless it was a semi, nothing is gonna to take her down.

4) She might be like "yellow dog" on that Chevy Chase movie Funny Farm - where it just keeps running and running and running....and just doesn't come back. Wait now, I'm trying to remember why this wasn't a good thing. Oh, I'm just kidding. Sort of.

Anyway, so when I get outside Kendal is running like the dickens for the neighbor's yard, Lizzy close behind. Eden dives on Lizzy, wraps her hands around her back end and hangs on for dear life trying to take her down. Although her 70lbs (or whatever she weighs) is not quite having much of an effect on that big furry booty. Lizzy is still zeroed in on Kendal, dragging Eden behind her like a sled.

Kendal is trying to shield herself with the neighbor's basketball hoop and I yell, "Lizzy!" She stops, looks at me and just takes off running again, as if to say, "Look Mom, I'm free, WEEEEEEEEE!" I'm chasing her, Eden's chasing her, Kendal is passed out on our neighbor's driveway.....Lizzy goes this way and that way and DANG, she's fast! Somehow, I was able to catch her and both Eden and I, grabbed her collar and dragged her inside. I still just can't believe nothing disastrous happened. The whole fiasco probably lasted 2 minutes. But WOW. Just knowing how hard it is to control her with a harness and leash when we take a walk, I was really ready for the worst.

And speaking of those harnesses, you know, they are suppose to squeeze them in the chest area to prevent them from pulling and jumping and things of that nature. I think it might have worked last year, for about 2 weeks. Now, I don't even think she notices. Pretty soon we are just going to have to tie her to the van and drive slowly around the neighborhood for her walks.

We should just have a sign on the door that says DOG ZONE. You know, similar to war zone? Because that's sort of what our poor house resembles. Pee stains, dog fur, chewed up furniture, disappearing's always interesting, that's for sure!


Carmen said...

This is soooo funny! I love reading your stories about you and life with Lizzy! I swear you could write a book about all of the crazy things that happens at your house with that dog.

flea said...

Char- this is so funny!! You should start a book of all the Lizzy things- The Lizzy Fur-manator, who-denny-- LOL Literally