meltdown

I've been having a lot of meltdowns lately. I'm not sure what is going on with me but I think that my stress level is unusually high for some reason.

I'm scared to walk into my kitchen. The thought of it scares me. Being in it makes me want to cry. It's such a dump hole of a mess right now.

Our giant dog is in heat and there are blood drips on the floor at all times. Watch where you step!

One of my girls has a make up dance class tomorrow so I get to make 3 trips to dance practice this week. Yay.

My mom has two dr. appointments this week, which I am taking her to. Yesterday we barely made it home in time from one of them to get lunch in my girl's tummy before we had to rush off to preschool. I normally workout in the morning and I didn't get a chance to squeeze it in yesterday. You don't want to get between me and my workouts. Trust me. It's what helps me keep what little sanity I have left. This is why I never schedule appointments in the morning. (are you paying attention to this mama?)

Hanna is bugging me about ice skating lessons. She wants to quit volleyball. She wants to switch from clarinet to french horn. The girl never sticks with anything. The second it stops being exciting and new and becomes something that needs a slight amount of effort, she wants to quit. We fight about this constantly. She brings it up daily and we fight.

The kitchen is making me want to cry (or did I mention that already?). Not to mention the rest of the house, because no one feels the need to pick up after themselves. And why should they when they've always had me to do it for them. The laundry baskets are full AGAIN. And instead of just tackling it all and getting it done, I just want to curl up in a ball and cry. Hide away from everyone and everything that seems to need MY attention all. the. time.

I mean, what is my incentive to clean this place when I know that within half a day it will look as it did before I cleaned it? Wouldn't it be nice to hear a "thanks" every now and then. Mom will clean it. Mom will put it away. Mom will do it. It's just expected of me. It's just my job. No big thing.

Sigh.....

I'm just feeling stretched a little thin these days. It doesn't help much that I can't seem to get quality sleep at night. Last night I went upstairs to take a bath at 6:30 and didn't come back down. I just needed to relax and de-stress. I think I dozed off and on until 9:00 and then fell asleep once the girls went to bed and all was quiet. Oh how I needed it.